DO YOU LISTEN? (2/3)

Listening begins with you!

Anda berkomunikasi dengan diri sendiri ketika Anda berpikir, ketika mengambil keputusan dan ketika Anda terlibat dengan berbagai jenis aktititas komunikasi. Itu sebabnya, The MOST EFFECTIVE listeners pasti memahami diri mereka sendiri, dan juga sensitif dan paham betul dengan nilai nilai yang mereka miliki dan kebutuhan mereka. Jangan berharap orang yang 'gamang' yang galau, yang tidak 'safe dan secure' dengan diri mereka sendiri akan menjadi pendengar yang baik. Forget it!

Self - Listening, therefore, influences all other relationship! The process of listening to oneself is integrally linked to the process of listening to others. Kemampuan Anda mendengar 'suara hati' akan menentukan seberapa baik Anda dapat menjadi pendengar yang baik bagi orang lain. 

Listening well to other may require quieting your inner as well as your outer voice.

"We cannot fill a full cup," Purdy (Intrapersonal and interpersonal listening.1991, p.25. New York, University Press of America).

Jika Anda terlalu banyak bicara dengan diri sendiri - your focus entirely on your own agenda and feelings - it is difficult or impossible for you to accept what another person has to say.

Any time you become emotional or preoccupied with your own needs, your listening behavior is affected.

(Itu sebabnya saya tidak merekomendasikan perusahaan untuk melakukan promosi karbitan demi mengisi kekosongan posisi. Most of the time, kemampuan mendengar berjalan selaras dengan tingkat kedewasaan dan pengalaman hidup. Bagaimana Anda mengharapkan pengalaman hidup yang BANYAK dari seseorang yang masih....berumur 20 tahunan, misalnya.  Yang sejak kecil hidup berkecukupan, selalu didengar segala kemauannya dan tak pernah belajar menghadapi konflik, perdebatan, penolakan dan pemberontakan dari orang lain atas dirinya. And at sudden you expect them to LISTEN to tens or even hundreds of people/staffs?  

Penjelasan diatas juga menjadi pertimbangan untuk mengangkat/TIDAK mengangkat seseorang menjadi pejabat/petinggi ketika terbukti  rumahtangganya sedang porak poranda, diancam perceraian, perselingkuhan dan sejenisnya. Do you really think they can focus....and listen?   Kalaupun mereka memiliki kwalitas profesional yang tinggi.....well, give them excellent remuneration but don't make them leader.  Tentu Anda tidak boleh memvonis mereka selamanya, dan menaruh mereka diposisi "basi" seumur hidup mereka. Ketika masalahnya telah terselesaikan....dan mereka siap untuk kembali fokus pada pekerajan dan tugas2 tentu mereka eligible untuk dipromosikan. 

The main TASK of a leader is to listen. Teori yang sama juga dapat dipakai untuk menjelaskan, mengapa pemerintah harus "mengisi" perut para guru sampai kenyang sebelum meminta mereka mengajar dengan baik dan benar dikelas. Apa yang Anda harapkan dari seseorang yang untuk kebutuhan hidup sehari harinya pun harus berpikir sampai penat? - sekali lagi, you cannot fill a full cup)

Two of the most potent ways in which you can learn to be a LISTENER can be facilitated through:
(1) Continuous Self Monitoring and (2) Constructive feedback from your colleague or instructor.

(*)

SELF MONITORING, is a special kind of social sensitivity. It refers to your awareness of how your behavior affects another person within the context of a specific interaction and , importantly, the degree to which you choose to modify your response base on that knowledge.

If you are a high self monitor, you are concerned with social appropriateness and are particularly sensitive to the expressions and self presentations of others, then a characteristic that you will learn more about is called 'Emotional Intelligence'.

Because people with 'high self-monitors' are concerned with the appropriateness (kelayakan/kepatutan) of their responses then they may vary their communication behaviors significantly from one interaction to the next. For instance, when they went to a movie with a group of friends the she/he would be likely to laugh when her/his friends laugh, even though she may not have found the episodes funny. In other words, high self monitors will model (copy) the emotional states of others.

Sebaliknya Low self-monitors sangat berpegang dan bertindak atas nilai dan pemikirannya sendiri. Itu sebabnya pola dan respon komunikasi mereka akan konsisten dari satu orang ke yang berikutnya.

Jika kita membandingkan keduanya memang harus diakui mereka yang LOW Self Monitor akan lebih rileks dan tidak stress dalam bersosialisasi (berkomunikasi). Pasalnya mereka tidak merasa harus diterima dan tidak memusingkan bagaimana penilaian orang lain. Tapi harus juga diakui bahwa Low Self Monitor akan sulit untuk menangkap pemikiran orang lain dan sulit untuk dapat berbaur dengan mereka yang datang dengan budaya/worldview berbeda.

(Bersambung)

Referensi:
Brownell, Judy. Listening 3rd edition. 2006. Pearson.

Do You LISTEN? (1/3)

Did we ever learn to listen?

Like many others, we probably grew up believing that it was important to do as much talking as possible. "Let's all be quite. It's Mary's turn to speak, " your first grade teacher might say, and everyone's attention would dutifully turn to Mary.  But then, THINK ABOUT it. Was anyone really listening to Mary during the session? or they just waited impatiently for her to finish so that they, too could have a turn to speak in the spotlight.

Nowadays, as technology increases the number of messages and the speed with which they are delivered, listeners MUST confront a constantly changing and increasingly complex listening environment. They must be able to scan the information that they receive, determine where to focus and make sense of what they hear.

Consider this examples:

• You are director of marketing for a large company. You receive a voice mail from a foreign client and while you begin to address the problem, you don't call back. The client becomes offended, and your company loses a multi-million dollar account. 

• A teenage display subtle warning sign of an emotional problem. No one listens. A suicide note testifies to her feelings of alienation and despair.

Why was no one listen?

Well, for one thing, no one knew very much about listening. The emphasis in school was almost entirely on how to be an effective speaker - how to be clear and persuasive.
Another reason is that listening takes TIME. -- Your roommate has a problem, but you don't have time because you've got to go to class. Your brother called to tell you about his new job, but you have no time cause you have to watch an important soccer game.

Listening need time.

But hey, think about this: unless you listen first, you have NO way of knowing what to say. Effective communication begins with listening, not speaking.

There are to reason to LISTEN. First, we listen to accomplish task! The quality of our finished product was likely related to the quality of our listening. Ineffective listening often results in misunderstandings and mistakes. Second, we listen to develop relationship. Listening also connects you to other people. True understanding often requires listening over time. It's difficult not to like and feel closer to people who listen to us, who show that they value our thoughts and ideas.

(continued)

Referensi:
"Listening" by Judi Brownell (Pearson, 2006).   

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